September 5th, 2002

goddamn, life sucks sometimes.

So, my cousin committed suicide last week. That's fun. I was in Iowa all weekend doing family/funeral stuff and got no vacation whatsoever. I'm freaking exhausted. We have the kids all weekend so I'm not going to get a break until NEXT weekend.

I'm ridiculously behind on schoolwork and I don't have time to do it.

I bounced a couple checks and so I am even less able than usual to pay my bills.

I'm feeling like ASS right now. I am not in a good mood. I hope everyone here fucks off today and leaves me alone.

On the bright side (there isn't one, really, I'm making that up) The Samples are playing in Lawrence on the 19th. So although we can't afford to go, we're going anyway.


Beckhampton, nr Avebury, Wiltshire. Reported 26th August.
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ASS! Everything is ass. Except that I haven't done any work yet and I've been here for two and a half hours. That's kind of okay. Ass though, still.

Oh, and the fact that it feels to me like Monday but it's actually Thursday is not too bad as well.

Last night Ice Cube was on Leno. Cube is hilarious. He always makes me laugh.

I wish I could just go home and do all my homework and not have to do my jobby job until tomorrow.
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oh yeah

Reasons why I still dislike my Speech instructor:
  • She said "I almost went AWOL on his ass." As in, oh shit, I'm an idiot, I meant to say "apeshit", not "AWOL".

  • She said "When giving a speech, don't be monotone. Be sure to variate your tone of voice."

  • She said "I should have a Discovery Channel show!"
What a dumbass. How do people like that get into positions of teaching? No wonder our country is full of idiots.
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    continuing ass

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to quote pastorofmuppets:
"I get paid today. ROCK!

"I pay bills today. Suck."

That captures it. It sucks when you dread payday more than you long for it. My real hope is that Tandra doesn't dread my paydays. I hope she doesn't go "shit, he's going to be in a bad mood." I gotta try to not let that happen.

Things to do today:
  • Get cash from ATM

  • Give cash to Tandra's mom

  • Give cash to Wal-Mart people in order to pick up pictures which can hopefully help me sell items on eBay, profits from which can hopefully help me out

  • Play with my dogs

  • Spend time with my honey and try to enjoy the kids's company

  • Go to class (suck, for sure)

  • Update LJ all day and not work and write more of these lists that no one but me cares about

  • Long for an SVT Focus

That reminds me, probably after lunch I can scan those pictures in from Theorosa's bridge, that supposedly haunted bridge I posted about a long time ago. We'll see if anything strange turned up. I somehow doubt it.

Also pictures of my doggies, so I'll be able to make the doggy icon actually of my dogs, instead of just a random Beagle.

Note to self: The reason that the vending machines at work sell SMALL bags of pretzels is because you can finish them before they get stale.
Note to self: Stop buying big-ass bags of pretzels to keep at work because they get all hard before you finish them all.
Note to self: It's okay to throw away food. It's okay to throw away food. It's okay to throw away food.

I want to go on a road trip. Yeah, I know, I just went on one. That's what made me want to go on one. Between Tandra smoking and dad not allowing smoking in his car and my mom needing to stretch, we stopped a lot. We stopped at some really interesting places out in the middle of nowhere and I really wished I'd had a camera. I want to just hit the road and take a camera and take interesting pictures of stuff. I want to go on a road trip to take pictures, not to go to a funeral.

I want a nap.

See, what happened was, I was at my uncle's house...

My uncle is a pretty well-off guy. At least the uncle I'm talking about this time. He has lived in PA, CA, FL, VA, NC, SD, and I don't remember where else. He's worked for General Electric, AT&T, and some other big name places I can't remember right now. He is now the CFO of a credit card company. I was talking to him one day last Christmastime and it was because of what he said that I decided to go back to school. He said that getting a college education was essential to being successful. He said there were certain doors that just wouldn't open without a degree.

I feel like butt today. I can't believe that the bills I can't pay total twice as much as the ones I can pay. I don't have the first clue how I'm going to hang with school once I move beyond a community college when I can barely keep up now and it's only two weeks into the semester. When I'm feeling like I feel today, I think about my uncle's beautiful house. I think about his smiling face and how he ALWAYS seems to be at ease and comfortable. I think about his big-ass kitchen which I envy so much. I think about how for his fiftieth birthday he decided to go on a camping CLIMB Mount Kilimanjaro. How he got "stuck" in Amsterdam on the way back because of 9/11. I think about that stuff and about how by the time I'm thirty I could maybe have an MBA and it makes me want to hang. It makes me stay here in this shithole of a trench trying to survive. It doesn't seem like I'm making any progress but I guess that each day that goes by is a small victory. Every time I lay my head down at night and every time I pick it back up again in the morning, it's progress. This will pay off. I will be vindicated and this broke-ass time in my life will be justified and made up for. Karma will reward my diligence.

That's the hope.


I've discovered that I can hear my boss coming because of his keys jingling in his pocket. Excellent!
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EVERY single picture I took of stuff to sell on eBay came out blurry because my shit camera can't handle close-up photos. I gotta go borrow one for that which means more film and more development money and time.


Theorosa's bridge pictures coming up. They're pretty good but nothing unusual. Dog pictures are ok... a bit too blurry and a bit too hot. I need a real camera.

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I'm really getting sick of putting my password into hotmail every time. I told it not to do that.
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    ass, of course