Don't drive like me

pastorofmuppets: where the hell are you??

from redmeat.com

also not mine (I don't know from whence this comes)

---

Man: You sit here, dear.

Wife: All right.

Man: Morning!

Waitress: Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife: I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

It's a beautiful day outside. There isn't a cloud in the sky. It's about fifty or fifty-five degrees. The sun is warm, too warm for a coat, but shirt sleeves just barely let you feel that there's still a tiny snip of crisp cold in the air. I didn't want to come back to work.

A conversation with my friend Claire from Tulsa...

---

busychild424 (2:54:39 PM): you're a fiancee now
Claire (2:54:44 PM): yeah I am
Claire (2:54:47 PM): so are you
busychild424 (2:54:49 PM): that's cool
busychild424 (2:54:50 PM): yes I am
busychild424 (2:55:07 PM): have you guys worried about a date or anything yet
Claire (2:55:16 PM): we're planning on October
busychild424 (2:55:26 PM): really? so are we... ha
Claire (2:55:32 PM): whoa
busychild424 (2:55:34 PM): I know
Claire (2:55:41 PM): what day?
busychild424 (2:56:05 PM): 25th I think
Claire (2:56:09 PM): hmm
busychild424 (2:56:15 PM): so we can be on honeymoon over Halloween
Claire (2:56:16 PM): that's a Saturday?
busychild424 (2:56:18 PM): yeah
Claire (2:56:27 PM): yeah, thanks for taking my day
busychild424 (2:56:31 PM): but a lot of things are up in the air right now and we don't know whether we'll be able to do it on that day or not
busychild424 (2:56:34 PM): HA
busychild424 (2:56:37 PM): that's so weird
Claire (2:56:45 PM): yeah
busychild424 (2:56:58 PM): I'll make you a deal
Claire (2:57:02 PM): ok
busychild424 (2:57:03 PM): I'll come to your wedding if you come to mine
Claire (2:57:10 PM): sure, that would work
busychild424 (2:57:11 PM): hehehe
Claire (2:57:23 PM): say I do and rush over to Tulsa
busychild424 (2:57:27 PM): right
busychild424 (2:57:29 PM): haha
busychild424 (2:57:44 PM): still in my tux, new bride in tow
Claire (2:57:51 PM): exactly
busychild424 (2:57:56 PM): "Come on, Tandra, we gotta go to this wedding before our reception starts"
Claire (2:58:06 PM): and I'll just wear my dress to yours so that I'll be ready for mine
Claire (2:58:11 PM): that'll confuse the shit out of people
busychild424 (2:58:11 PM): bonus
busychild424 (2:58:13 PM): HAHAHA
Claire (2:58:22 PM): and I'll be like "I'm Josh's fiancee"
Claire (2:58:25 PM): but they won't get it
Claire (2:58:28 PM): cause you're josh, too
busychild424 (2:58:28 PM): of course not
busychild424 (2:58:32 PM): right
Claire (2:58:50 PM): and then they'll all think you're a whore
busychild424 (2:58:52 PM): you'd be like "I'm Josh's fiancee" and people would turn to me and I'd go "she's not my fiancee"
busychild424 (2:59:06 PM): and then you'd go "right"
Claire (2:59:11 PM): right
busychild424 (2:59:21 PM): good times
Claire (2:59:23 PM): uh huh

Another gem from thesmokinggun.com...

jesus christ people are stupid