April 7th, 2003

(no subject)

Why is Vincent D'Onofrio on television? I mean, I know some people might cry "blasphemy" because he was Gomer Pyle in Full Metal Jacket, and I really liked The Cell, but come on, one was sixteen years ago and the other had so much special effects that his acting was kind of a side show.

What I want to know is how the hell he landed a role on Law & Order. His idea of dramatic acting is frowning, squinting, pursing his lips, pausing at odd places in the conversation, tipping his head at odd angles like a parakeet, stuttering, and pretending like he knows every goddamn thing. He is the most fucking annoying actor I think I've ever seen.
I borrowed Silent Hill 2 from Miah. He said it gave him and Jenny weird dreams. I played until 3:20 AM last night in the hopes of having some cool fucked up dreams, but it didn't happen. It is a cool game so far though.
Speaking of being up till 20 after 3, night before last was the time change. Very nice. I like it when it's light out past 8 PM. Good times.
Tandra and I rented One Hour Photo. It was an interesting movie. It was kinda cool on its own, but I started thinking when I watched the DVD extras. There was a Sundance Channel half-hour special on it called Anatomy of a Scene. One thing they talked a lot about was how Robin Williams' character was so isolated. He had his job at the photo place and his little car and his little apartment and he had no friends, no apparent family, just a hamster/gerbil/other such rodent. Of course he had his unhealthy obsession with the family whose photos he developed, but that's not what got me thinking.

What got me thinking was the fact that that solitude is something I'm completely unfamiliar with. His character is just one of those everyday people that you don't give a second thought to. Only, I notice them. I noticed when the old retired man working at Braum's was scolded by a manager one third his age, and I thought that regardless of rank, it was wrong because that older gentleman deserved to be respected because of his age. I noticed the guy walking across the street in front of me with one sack of groceries when I was in Kansas City. I look at huge apartment buildings and I think about how at least one person lives in each of those little spaces and I wonder what they all add up to. When I'm at work, I see all the people in their offices or cubicles and I know what they add up to - whatever the company as a whole accomplishes. And I know our society is based on that kind of framework and that all of those people in that apartment building probably help add up in one way or another by going to their jobs every day (or not) and helping to create the great American infrastructure, but I still can't help but wonder about those people. How many of them are alone? How many of them prefer it that way, and which of them long for companionship?

And this isn't something new, something resulting from watching that movie. This is something that's crossed my mind from time to time for quite a while.

What *really* got me thinking was this fascination I have with people like that. To the point that if it didn't mean alienating some people who mean a lot to me, I think I'd even like to experience that for a while. I have no idea what it would be like to just be left alone all the time. With me it's always something, something going on, something that needs to be done. I couldn't develop unhealthy obsessions if I wanted to - I don't have the time. I think there must be some benefit to having all that peace and "unbusy-ness". Even when I'm not busy, I have computers and Playstations and things to keep me busy. What if it were just me, my camera and some music? Living in a little apartment somewhere, not caring about things like "building equity", not having to worry about paying the bills because I hardly had any? It's just a different set of priorities, I guess.

This whole thing evokes a feeling in me of curiosity and fascination. It makes me wonder. And I decided that I want to capture that in a photograph (or lots of them). I want to take photos that, when you look at them, make you wonder about the people or things shown. I wonder if I can communicate that through photos alone, or whether I'd have to have the benefit of some foreword in some coffee table book. I'm certain that with a couple paragraphs or a page I could prepare the mind of the reader/viewer to see what I am trying to show them through photographs.

I don't have any good composition ideas yet though. So far the only thing in my head is the typical shot of a homeless guy, and that doesn't really capture it. I guess I'll just have to keep my camera with me and when that feeling hits me, try to shoot it. Strange thing is, it usually doesn't happen at home. It happens to me when I'm out of town. I think it helps to be in a city that's so much bigger than Wichita, it just makes me wonder what all those people *do* with their lives, and whether anyone will care five years after they're dead.

Just some things that have been going through my head.
  • Current Music
    The Chemical Brothers - Where Do I Begin

(no subject)

Good lord, how is it noon already? I've hardly gotten started working this morning. Insert profanity here.

I miss that old donut shop that used to be on Douglas. Dustin and I would eat lunch there every now and then. I think it's the camera shop now.

And why the fuck is it so cold outside? Knock it off already.
  • Current Music
    Todd Terry - Blackout