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August 8th, 2003

Aug. 8th, 2003

Ok. As predicted, I feel much much better this morning. Except I sliced my two fingertips last night doing dishes - not sure how that happened since there wasn't any broken glass or anything around that I am aware of.

Last night after posting the "Look at me, I'm pathetic" post, Tandra unexpectedly came by to see how I was doing. She held me and scratched my head and told me she loved me and I wanted her to stay, but I didn't let her, I asked her to go (which she was okay with) because I didn't trust my judgement at the time.

Now I'm thinking that was the right thing to do. I still have to go through with this, I have to make it stick, because:
  • I still have doubts about our relationship

  • I still don't want kids

  • I'm still looking forward to:
    • Having a house that is clean and uncluttered all the time

    • having some spare money to pay off my credit cards or do what I want with instead of constantly being stretched to my absolute thinnest and only being able to make the finance charges. You know, I wouldn't have gotten credit cards if I had known that when I got with her I'd wind up having to max them out and then not be able to pay them down. That wasn't the plan. Now I can get back to paying those off like I wanted to do two years ago.

    • Checking out hot girls without feeling guilty or feeling like I shouldn't be. Even flirting or dancing with some, even though I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship right now or any time in the foreseeable future.

    • Having a schedule that is 100% my own to do with as I please.

    • Not having to deal with kids.
So, that's how I feel this morning.

Aug. 8th, 2003

I remember how this goes. Slowly the lows aren't so low and the highs are a little better each time, until the lows level out. I can handle this.

this is the most beautiful song

It's out there, it's out there
I can feel it
I can almost see it, hiding in the ether
I can feel it
I can almost see it, hiding in the ether
Out there

god, goosebumps.

I found that song on a certain file-sharing program that isn't Kazaa, so whereas before I had some skepticism on seeking files with other programs, I am now sould.
Wow, when you get to work at 10:30 AM, the day seems to go by really fast, even when you don't take a lunch.
Dig the new icon :-) Thanks to nata5 for that, although I'm sure it's completely stolen from someone. :-)