Well, yesterday was an absolute sh*t day. Today doesn't look to be much better.
And I don't mean that in the usual sense. I'm not going to get into it but yesterday was one of the more awful days of my life.
Yesterday might have been one of those days that defines the rest of your life. One of those days that changes your direction.
But I watched the Quizno's commercials on my computer and they made me laugh.
Flonase is like manna from heaven right now. That and the Allegra are kicking in, and I'm actually functioning somewhat close to normally.
At least there's that.
Man, today sucks.
weird that I am able to have some sort of optimism at this point.
Well. In keeping with my day, my lunch hour was the sh*ttiest lunch hour I can remember.
What a f*cking bitch.
At least Tandra was with me.
Okay, to explain some of the vagueness... two separate issues are going on in my life right now, simultaneously. They are both really really big deals, they are both sh*tty situations that I have to get past, and they are both things I won't talk about here. So, my apologies for the vague entries, I just need to blow off steam and this is where I do it. Thanks for the understanding, the good juju, and whatever else kind of vibes you want to send my way.
Unless you're Tim's wife, in which case, F*CK OFF. It's nice to see that your way of thinking was able to evolve in the past eight years. Your bitter, one-dimensional approach to this thing is someday going to bite you in that fat ass of yours.
Ok. I'm not better now, but I'm done.
BEWARE OF PAPERCUTS!
If you like the old school rap like I do, you might check out Jeru Tha Damaja.
Despite what a shitty experience today was (and I knew it would be... I knew nothing I could say would do anything except make it worse), I can see the whole situation even more clearly now.
At the time, even though it was obviously over, and even though she'd told me to fuck off, it was hard for me to move on. She was all I knew. Her rejection and sh*tty talk hurt me terribly, but she was still all there was for me. I didn't know how to live any other way.
But there came a time when I realized that I had no choice... I had to move on. I still didn't know how though.
Then one day I was minding my own business, doing something else, and No Need to Argue by the Cranberries came on.
It was like a funeral requiem for our relationship. I cried my soul out, and then I started the process of getting on with my life.
I moved away from that horrible time. I put it behind me. I wished it well, buried it, and walked away. And I truly did, too. Of course, the wound was still there, it never completely healed, but it was covered and I was able to live my own life.
I think she never reached that point. She was never able to leave it behind. She's still mad about it and still holds the exact same selfish, ignorant opinions. It sounds to me like she's still living in the exact same situation, experiencing the exact same thought patterns, unable to move that part of her mind on. Unable to evolve, to grow. And the bitterness has only built up and grown and gotten stronger. It's going to give her cancer.
Today sucked, and I could keep worrying about it, but I won't. I moved past it once, I'll do it again, right now.
Is it coincidental that my trance remix of No Need to Argue started playing a few minutes ago? The song is there to remind me that leaving this behind and not worrying about her is the right thing to do. The fact that it's a trance remix represents how I've changed and grown and evolved, but it's still the same song. Leaving her sad, pathetic, bitterness behind me, the same place she's been for eight years, is still the right thing to do.
Sing it, Dolores.