Don't drive like me

I loves me some pickles. I gots to have my pickles. And I'm part Norwegian. Up in the cold North there they pickle all kinds of food - something to do with preservation. (Don't know why they don't just freeze the shit, stick it outside in the snow.) I love watermelon pickles (pickled watermelon rinds - sounds gross but they're really good), beet pickles, gherkins, dill pickles, sweet pickles (Bread & Butter), just about every kind of pickle you can think of.

And I really love pickles on my sandwiches. But I'm quite anal about this. (I know, me, anal about something? Unheard of. Shut up.)

Dill pickles are good on hot sandwiches. BBQ sandwiches, burgers, this sort of thing. Sweet pickles are good on cold sandwiches. Deli sanwiches, your homemade ham & cheese, etc. But there are two exceptions:

• Subway puts dill pickles on their sandwiches and I wouldn't change a damn thing about that.
• Sweet pickles are better on sloppy joes than dill pickles.

Also, pickles are pretty potent, so to keep the flavor of the pickle from overpowering the rest of the sandwich and to prevent the bread from getting all soggy with pickle juice, I dab my pickles dry with a paper towel after getting them out of the jar before I put them on my sandwich.

And yes, when I was little, I tried drinking the pickle juice.