August 28th, 2006

(no subject)

I don't want to talk a lot tonight. It's been a good-spirits day and I don't want to run the risk of crashing my mood by dwelling.

From Friday to today I'd bet fifty people have visited, many of them more than once. The room is full of flowers and balloons and desserts. The steady flow of friends and family showing love and thoughtfulness has been unbelievable, and has had a noticeable effect on Tandra's spirits. I can really tell that the show of support has made her feel loved, and that means the entire frigging world to me. So thank you to all of you who have shown support in any manner.

This morning Tandra wanted to get out and about so we wandered her around, in a wheelchair and towing a portable oxygen tank. We walked through the courtyard, visited the chapel, and finished up her shopping spree at the gift shop. After that she was pretty tired, so after another hour or so of visitors, we wound it down. We took a long nap this evening, so I was worried about her getting to sleep tonight. After her evening meds she was groggier than before, but still capable enough to make a few phone calls and hang out for a bit before going to sleep. No sign of obsessive behavior, no hallucinations, no paranoia.

I've also been strong enough to talk to her about proving the doctors wrong, telling her she's going to get better and that we're going to get through this, so I'm bouncing back a bit from the shock of the test results too, which I like. She agreed that we'd get through it, though I don't know how sincerely she believes it.

At this point though, I refuse to believe that this is a done deal. I know it's an uphill fight, but I have to say I've never known a stronger, fiestier, more stubborn person in my life. If anyone can overcome this, she can.

(no subject)

We have some good news this morning.

Dr Dakhil, our oncologist, looked at the results of the abdominal CT scan we did Friday. He sees a large mass (he indicated a grapefruit size with his hands) attached to an ovary.

Right now you're probably having the same reaction I did: "How the crap is that good?"

Because ovarian cancer is far more treatable than the colon cancer we thought it might be. Tandra starts chemotherapy today and Dr. Dakhil says we should see results within a week.

He did not say anything about the long term possibilities here so I have to assume they are unchanged - that treatment will not eradicate the cancer and that this will at best buy us a couple months. On the other hand, we've already dealt with a ton of doctors who don't know what the hell they're talking about - hopefully that's the situation on a higher level here. I hope this doctor is a very good oncologist, and I hope we can prove him wrong about the potential outcome here. I want to hear him say the word 'remission'.

(no subject)

Sometimes I wish Tandra was on these drugs all the time, this shit is hilarious.

A minute ago I was telling Tandra how proud I am of her and how strong she's being because I know how hard this has been for her.

She said, "D, I, F-F-I, C-U-L-T, what does that spell, difficult!"

I said, "Did you make that cheer up just now all by yourself?"

She said, "Well, it's better than 'I'm cute, I'm hot, I'm sexy, I'm three!'"