Last night after posting the "Look at me, I'm pathetic" post, Tandra unexpectedly came by to see how I was doing. She held me and scratched my head and told me she loved me and I wanted her to stay, but I didn't let her, I asked her to go (which she was okay with) because I didn't trust my judgement at the time.
Now I'm thinking that was the right thing to do. I still have to go through with this, I have to make it stick, because:
- I still have doubts about our relationship
- I still don't want kids
- I'm still looking forward to:
- Having a house that is clean and uncluttered all the time
- having some spare money to pay off my credit cards or do what I want with instead of constantly being stretched to my absolute thinnest and only being able to make the finance charges. You know, I wouldn't have gotten credit cards if I had known that when I got with her I'd wind up having to max them out and then not be able to pay them down. That wasn't the plan. Now I can get back to paying those off like I wanted to do two years ago.
- Checking out hot girls without feeling guilty or feeling like I shouldn't be. Even flirting or dancing with some, even though I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship right now or any time in the foreseeable future.
- Having a schedule that is 100% my own to do with as I please.
- Not having to deal with kids.