I got the pulsatin' rhythmical remedy (busychild424) wrote,
I got the pulsatin' rhythmical remedy
busychild424

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Fucking hell, and nothing makes me want to quit more than hearing stupid corporate buzzwords. They make me want to stab people. You know, 'customer-centric' or 'mission critical' or even 'functionality', which is one of my job interview keywords. It's like a secret corporate code - a way of saying things that makes you sound smarter and more "businessy" than you actually are. When you get really good at speaking in code, then you get to play lots of golf when you should be at work, and if you make one up that catches on, then you get to be a Chief Officer of some sort somewhere. I mean, how completely sixth grade. In fact, there's one right there: Chief ______ Officer. How stupid.

See, I have a new idea now. When I was growing up, people who acted differently at church were called (by me, in my head) 'churchy'. Now I've decided that the same concept exists in companies, and so it is called 'businessy.' That is what I have decided. So it is written, so shall it be done.

More corporate catch phrases and buzz words that piss me off:
  • best practice
  • best-in-class
  • leverage (when used as a verb: "You can leverage these publicity images for the website")
  • Solution
  • going forward
  • value-added
and of course...
  • think outside the box
There are tons more. Fortunately the idiots around here don't use so much of that language as to make me physically ill. Stupid shit. I'm going to quit my life and be a Unabomber, but without the bombs.
Tags: office space
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