I got the pulsatin' rhythmical remedy (busychild424) wrote,
I got the pulsatin' rhythmical remedy
busychild424

some open letters

Dear EA Games,

Although I have enjoyed playing the one-player mode of Need for Speed Underground, I must register my dissatisfaction with two aspects of online play.

First, while it is a very cool technological achievement to allow both PC players and console players to compete against one another, there is one problem. Cheat patches exist which can be downloaded and installed to a PC, allowing PC players to have an unfair advantage. I am tired of getting beaten by utterly unrealistic margins by some idiot who wants to cheat. Please allow for two separate competition forums next time.

Second, PLEASE ENABLE SUPPORT FOR MY PS2 KEYBOARD. How the fuck am I supposed to be able to chat with anyone when my goddamned keyboard doesn't work? Through the on-screen keyboard where I use the directional buttons on my controller to move the cursor to each letter? I don't think so.

Signed,
me.



Dear HBO,

You scandalous bastards. I hereby command you to exercise your option to pick up Carnivale for the next four seasons, and to get started on production right away. I really don't feel like waiting over a year for the second season. I am ready for more, NOW!

Signed,
me.



Dear KC Chiefs,

You looked pretty good yesterday. Priest looked good running *around* the pack. How about up the middle? Your passing game looked good against San Diego - if by "good" you mean "an adequate substitution for running plays now and then". Hey, all that matters is that you got another under the W column, right? Wrong. Against a team that's 2-10 you can't just win, you have to win DECISIVELY. Winning by "just enough" ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH and WILL NOT GET YOU TO THE SUPER BOWL. Not that you're going to win it anyway.

Don't get me wrong, no one would like to see you in it and win it more than I would, but right now you're playing like a team that might be lucky to win the AFC championship.

Here's hoping you guys are adequately prepared to go to Mile High next weekend.

Signed,
me.



Dear Josh,

Maybe I wouldn't be half dead, always with my eyes closed, barely breathing, looking like I've got brain damage, if you hadn't waited so long to order that next shipment of crickets. Ass. I'm going to report you to the SCCA... I mean, the SPCA.

Signed,
Your Chinese Water Dragon



Dear Josh,

Maybe I wouldn't be half dead, stinking up your basement, if your dumb ass had moved me in out of the cold a little bit sooner.

Signed,
Your Tub of 500 Crickets



Dear Josh,

Maybe I wouldn't be half dead if you hadn't gotten your sleep schedule all fucked up over the weekend and gotten to sleep at 3:45 this morning. Please take a nap at lunch and immediately after work.

Signed,
Your Body



Dear Josh,

*float* *mush* *boing*

Signed,
Your suspension

P.S. I will rock the panties off your granny though!



Dear Idiot Bus Driver,

I FUCKING EXIST AND AM LEGAL!

Signed,
Right on Red



Dear Josh,

I dance to mock and elude you.
Ha, Ha!

Signed,
Sleep



Dear Josh,

In recognition of the fact that you are 27 and theoretically well beyond puberty, we present you with the following:
Ha, Ha!

Signed,
Acne



Dear Josh,

You should be out of the house by now.
Ha, Ha!

Signed,
8:15 AM



Dear Waistline,

Please stop growing. You are betraying my bovine nature.

Signed,
me.



Dear 26 Things 2:

Fuck off.

Signed,
me.



Dear Josh,

There was more, but I have deserted you.

Signed,
Inspiration
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 10 comments