[PREFACE]Okay. Everyone's pretty well convinced that this whole thing was intentional, right? Everyone is saying that Janet and Justin (by the way, what's with the new young kids dating stars a generation back? Was Justin jealous of Ashton?) did this in sort of a response or attempt to one-up the whole Madonna/Britney/Christina smooching deal, right? What I want to know is, Why JANET? We haven't heard a damn thing from Janet in years, now suddenly she's threatened by whatever and suddenly feels the need to show her titty on the most-watched television show of the year? What, was she sitting at home on the floor (since she probably spent her recliner made of cash long ago), watching the video awards (or whatever it was) and suddenly she said to herself, "hey, WTF is with all these blonde white bitches getting all the love? What happened to the days when white people paid attention to me??? I can do better than that." Then she picks up the phone and dials Justin.
WTF is up with magazines like People, Us, and all the rest of the magazines that obsessively track the lives of celebrities? WTF is up with Entertainment Tonight and all the rest of the gossip shows that do the same thing? Why in holy hell are we so obsessed with celebrities and their private lives? What is the point of that? I mean, sure, I like to know what the name of the black guy in Shawshank Redemption was so that I can say "yeah, I love Morgan Freeman, he's a great actor" and maybe find out what other movies he's done, but I could give a flying f*ck who he's dating or which club he was outside of last night when he punched out a photographer. Why the crap are we so obsessed with the lives of celebrities?
Okay, I know, you can tell me all you want about living vicariously and how seeing that even famous people have flaws and problems makes us feel better about ourselves, but I'm absolutely convinced that that's an unhealthy way to get self-confidence. In fact, I don't think that's even true confidence at all. Putting someone else lower than yourself in your own mind is not the same thing as elevating yourself above them. And who says you have to be higher than everyone else anyway? As long as you're happy with yourself, who cares what everyone else is doing?
I can also understand being fanatically interested in someone. I was like that with Enya for a while - I wanted to know her background, where she lived, what languages she spoke, anything that could give me insight into what happens to a person to put them in a place where they can make such beautiful music. I can see being interested in particular people of whom you're a fan. But to be obsessed with celebrities JUST because they are celebrities? Weird. Of course you know that Paris Hilton is a prime example - WTF did she ever do to gain any notoriety? She was born into unimaginable wealth. Okay, what else? Any singing, acting, any talent at all? No. Sure, she got to be on a TV show with some farmers, but that was because of her celebrity status, not the other way around. Paris Hilton's celebrity status is a complete f*cking mystery to me.
That said, I am about to mention no less than five celebrities, but it's not because I give a damn about their private lives. I don't even really give a damn about their public lives because I think they're all no-talent assclowns. I just have a take on the booby incident.
Or maybe she was sitting there where her sofa made of gold bricks used to be and her phone rang. "Hello, this is Janet Jackson speaking, is this a young new star who would like to bring me back into the spotlight? Oh, Justin, it's just you. I thought it was someone famous. What's up? What? Yeah, I know who Ashton Kutcher is, in fact I was hoping it was him calling me, not you. Oh, no, of course I didn't mean anything by that, honey, you know I love you. You want a sugar momma too? Well honey, I'll be your momma, but I ain't got no sugar left. Maybe if you help me flash my tit on the Super Bowl we can make some more cash, what do you say?"
I mean, seriously, Janet Jackson? Mr. T has a better chance at making a comeback.