"Hi, welcome to Modern Office Methods. You look a little confused, do you mind if I take a moment of your time to tell you a little bit about what we do here? Great.
"We are basically a consulting firm who helps people develop and streamline their Modern Office Methods, or MOMs for short. We realize that everyone already has a MOM, but we feel that other people's MOMs can always be improved upon. By applying our techniques and experience with MOMs, we will help you make your MOM the best it can be.
"How do we do that, you ask? It's really pretty simple. We have a proprietary method by which we analyze your MOM in orded to make the best possible improvements. The major steps in this process are Simplify, Consolidate, Reduce costs, Enhance services, and, of course, Work. This is the expertise you buy from us. By paying us to SCREW your MOM, you are making an investment in the long-term usability of your MOM. Every MOM is different, which is why you need our agency to SCREW your MOM for you.
"You see, some companies, when they need to make a change or restructure, just leave their old MOM behind. But with our proven SCREW techniques, you can take that old MOM of yours, shine it all up and bring it with you into your company's next era. Now since this is your company's MOM, that means all your employees are also intimately familiar with your MOM. Suddenly bringing in a new MOM can be a drastic change, and some people don't adapt well to a new MOM. Letting us SCREW your existing MOM rather than using a new MOM allows all your employees to more quickly adapt to your MOM since it's one they are already familiar with.
"So that's it, that's my pitch. We'll SCREW your MOM better than anyone else in town."
Sometimes I think my imagination isn't quite healthy.