But last night... last night I had a lot to drink. Way too much. To the point that it was unhealthy. And then I slept, again, for almost 12 hours, interrupted by being awake for about an hour.
Bad side effects from this. 1: It is 5:15 PM and I am just now waking up. My schedule is screwed for tonight and tomorrow. 2: The stuff I was trying to forget about by drinking this weekend is still here, making that exercise an utter failure. Which, had I admitted to myself consciously what I was doing, I could easily have predicted beforehand.
Time for a change. Time for me to redirect my feelings into something more productive and less destructive. Drinking for me is going to be a much more uncommon and tempered thing for a while. This stuff about drinking to have fun and forget your problems is for the birds.
Time for another change. I'm finished with this house, and maybe this city. I can't wait to change SOMETHING. I'm wasting away. My happiness left me at some point and I don't know when or if it will come back, but continuing on this same track makes it seem very unlikely to me. I'm only slipping further into this hole. At some point I became consumed with money and being successful - not because I crave professional success, but because I got myself into a financial situation where I had no choice but to stretch every penny and still couldn't make the bills. That has changed who I am and I don't like the change. Somehow I've got to change back. I have to start enjoying life again. All of it, not just the fun distractions. The distractions are a good thing, they keep me sane and give me hope, but by themselves they're not enough. I need to achieve some sort of satisfaction or even enjoyment of life as a whole. I'm just not sure exactly how to get there.