No one is dead. Just some awful things happened, and I am to blame. If you have ever felt so much guilt that it feels like an unbearable weight on your shoulders dragging you to the ground; if you have ever lived with absolutely no respect for yourself; if you have ever done something terrible to someone you loved more than life and only wished to care for and protect, then you might have an idea what I feel like.
When I said it was the worst night of my life, I wasn't exaggerating. And I've had some pretty bad nights.