Like there's this stage where all the new information comes from, and the people in the front row get it first. Then it sort of trickles back to where I am. I want to be on the front row.
Like, lots of people have graduated to using CSS for website layout instead of tables. I don't know how to do that yet.
Lots of people have real blogs using things like Movable Type instead of Livejournals. This is something I'm giving a lot of consideration to, but lots of other people are way ahead on that. (No, I won't abandon my LJ)
.NET is the ASP standard. I took a class but haven't programmed anything in it. I could get JOBS if I had a couple years experience at it, yet I shied away from it starting my newest project and now I'm too deep in it to go back and change it. Stupid.
People seem to be mobile, able to move cities and jobs if they choose to. Resources. Ability, maybe. Knowledge, contacts. Why do I have none of this? Is it my disdain for "networking"? Is it because I was a dumbass and didn't get a degree when I had the time?
I wish I just automagically had all this knowledge instead of having to take the time and do the work to actually LEARN. I'm not motivated enough to do that. Does that make me lazy as hell?
I need to quit being confused, figure out what I want to do with myself, and set a goal. That's what I need to do. Give myself a clear, well-defined path.
So, right now, do I pour myself into my work here and be really good at it, or do I pour my energy into doing something else? Splitting it half and half is getting me nowhere. I suppose the answer to that question depends on what I want to do with myself and where that goal is. I guess I should dump all my energy into figuring that out first.
So. What do I want to do, you guys?