I got the pulsatin' rhythmical remedy (busychild424) wrote,
I got the pulsatin' rhythmical remedy

  • Music:
I am feeling a very high level of anxiety today. Probably because I've had three relatively content and uneventful days in a row, which given my recent track record is fantastic, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My dad rocks the house because he is springing for me to get a replacement motor for the A/C. If things go as planned, I will pick that up and install it over lunch today and we will have an air conditioned house (minus the upstairs bedroom) this afternoon.

This by itself would actually qualify today as a bona fide good day, a day where something good and nothing bad happened. So I'm just waiting for the Next Big Disaster to come along and smash this day to bits, because I just couldn't bear to get my hopes up and think that maybe my life might be in a better place at the end of the day than it was at the beginning, only to get hit in the head with a large rock. That might destroy me outright if I'm not simply expecting it. So that's what I'll do.

Because, you know, there's really no way that my string of completely shitty luck might actually be winding down, turning around, leveling out, gaining some momentum in the right direction. So I shouldn't even think about that.


So I won't. No thinking about that.

At all.

Like, maybe the combination of us preparing to get a second opinion on Tandra's psychiatric treatment and my work giving me the official OK to work from the Kansas City office for 30 days whenever we move there and us actually setting a tentative date to move (the weekend of September 24th and 25th) and me potentially being like maybe $60 and a few hours away from a running car again and fixing the A/C in most of the house and Tandra having ten days of sobriety today, maybe that combination of things is lining up in front of me like the stepping stones of a path to better fortune, like those lines of flashing lights that airplanes use to find the runway at night. I shouldn't think of it that way, because it's probably just a random coincidental set of circumstances that I'm looking at in far too optimistic a light, because I tend to do that.

Oh, I just realized what it is. Tandra has an appointment with her psychologist this afternoon. Although she hasn't talked to me specifically about what goes on in these meetings, she generally comes out of them rather agitated, restless, unhappy, (I imagine they touch on painful, anxiety-inducing topics for her) and those are the kinds of feelings that trigger her relapses. That's probably today's impending Disaster Of The Day.

DOTD. I'm going to go back and make a DOTD LJ tag and tag all the appropriate entries. Because it really has been a running theme lately.
Tags: dotd, kansas city, miata, tandra's recovery

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