I talked to a second Oncologist today about her cancer. It's a Carcinoma - I think he said it was an adrenal carcinoma but I'm not sure. It's not due to anything she did to herself, it's just "bad luck".
It's in her lungs, but they think it spread there from somewhere else. It's not "lung cancer" per se - that's just where it became evident. It's all throughout her bronchial tubes. They said it's common to catch this kind of cancer at a very late stage because it grows silently for a long time and gives no indications. This kind of cancer does not readily respond to treatment and when it does, it responds very slowly, and time does not appear to be something she has much of. Everyone is urging us to get hospice care and get her home as soon as we can. I wish I had a better home to take her to.
Until today she was on a pain med that has a cumulative effect of making you confused. Last night she was so loopy that when she wasn't sleeping, she didn't know where she was or why. I told them to take her off that medication. Turns out they have to take her off it anyway in order to get her out of the Surgical ICU, which they did today. She's much more lucid and clear-headed today which is a relief. She still has some confusion, she's groggy and speaks slowly, and she's still hallucinating a bit, she sees bugs from time to time, but that's a hallucination she has had before all this, it's a result of her PTSD flaring up, so that might be the case here too - a lot of stress can have that effect on her.
Tandra wants to see as many people as possible. If you'd like to come visit, please do. We're at Wesley, in rm 332 in building 4. Don't bother calling ahead, I never know what's going on from one minute to the next so any time is as good as any other.
I spent most of the day on the phone talking to relatives and doctors. I don't have a lot of time to get online, obviously, and I have way more comments than I can respond to individually. I want you all to know that I am reading every single one and they all mean so much to me. And to Tandra. It's good to know we have so many really good friends out there. Thank you all so much.
The kids came down from Kansas City tonight, and a really good close friend of hers (averybadman24) flew in from Ohio. We sat around and talked about what kind of funeral she wanted. averybadman24 has been really good at talking about those kinds of things and still keeping it kind of light, where I'd just be a blubbering mess. I'm really glad he's here.
Tandra has thirty-something tattoos, I have none. I always thought if anything happened to her, I'd get one to celebrate her. I'm going artist shopping tomorrow but I don't know what the tattoo should be yet. I'm trying to brainstorm ideas. I want to make sure I like the design before I get it but I am going to make sure I have it quickly enough that she gets to see it.
This fucking sucks, by the way.
Ok, that's all I can think of that I was going to post about.